Why Don’t I Feel Like Myself After Endometriosis Surgery?
If you’ve ever thought or asked this question after endometriosis surgery, you’re not alone!
We talk A LOT about the physical side of endometriosis surgery recovery.
The incisions.
The bloating.
The fatigue.
The pain.
When you can go back to work.
When you can exercise again.
But there is another side of recovery that I don’t think we talk about nearly enough:
The mental and emotional impact of everything you’ve just been through.
Because surgery is a big deal.
And when you’ve already spent months or years living with pain, searching for answers and hoping surgery will finally be the thing that gives you your life back, there can be so much emotion wrapped up in that one experience.
I know because I’ve lived it.
I did not feel like myself after my excision surgery. I’m not talking about a few “off” days. I’m talking about months of feeling like a stranger in my own body.
Looking back, I wish someone had told me that healing after surgery wouldn’t only mean helping my body recover.
It would also mean learning how to trust and feel safe in my body again.
If you're reading this before your surgery, you may also find my post about preparing your body for endometriosis surgery helpful. You can read this post here.
I Was Prepared for Endometriosis Surgery. Not Everything After.
Before surgery, there can be so much hope wrapped up in one day. This is particularly true for those of you who have been struggling for years and maybe over a decade (like myself) and you’re desperate for your chronic pain to be over.
→Maybe this is finally it.
→Maybe I’ll finally have answers.
→Maybe I’ll finally feel better.
→Maybe I’ll finally get my life back.
I had hopes for my surgery too.
I had been struggling with pelvic pain and digestive issues for 15 years!
My pelvic pain became increasingly worse and I had a 4 year period of advocating for myself, countless doctor’s appointments, tests, scans and praying for pain relief.
Many people have said to me, “Oh, I had no idea you were in pain.”
I was a master at hiding my pain, pretending that I was okay and trying to be “normal”, all while living in a body that was hurting.
I was trying to survive and really struggled privately.
It was so difficult for me to share about the pain I was in because I had experienced so much gaslighting from medical professionals and being told that my pain was “just stress” or “just IBS.”
It was easier to hide my struggles rather than risk sharing them and not being believed.
When an ultrasound finally indicated that something wasn’t right in my body, I finally was referred to a specialist.
For the first time, my pain was actually validated and not dismissed.
The option for endometriosis excision surgery was given to me and I knew that this was the right next step.
Could this be the breakthrough I was looking for?
Would I finally get pain relief?
Would my quality of life improve?
I went into my surgery extremely hopeful.
I also went into my surgery with the fear that I would wake up and be told that “everything looked normal.”
Endometriosis Surgery Recovery Isn’t Only Physical
I knew surgery would come with a physical recovery.
I did my best to manage my expectations so that if things didn’t go as well as hoped, I wouldn’t be too let down/disappointed.
What I didn’t expect were the intense emotions that arose after surgery.
What I didn’t expect were days that I felt depressed.
➡️(Check out this great article by The Endometriosis Network Canada about post-operative depression: click here)
What I didn’t expect were moments where I would randomly start crying and be unable to stop the tears.
I didn’t fully understand how much I would need to recover emotionally.
Because surgery isn’t just something that happens to your body.
Especially when your body has already been through years of pain.
After surgery, there are milestones we can see.
Your incisions start to heal.
You move around a little more.
You slowly return to your normal routine.
Maybe you go back to work.
From the outside, it may even look like you’re “better.”
But underneath all of that, you may still be trying to process everything you’ve just been through.
I was grieving all the years of pain without answers.
I was processing all the trauma, gaslighting and relief of finally having some answers.
I was grieving all of the dreams, relationships and experiences I didn’t go after or enjoy because of struggling with pain and not feeling well.
I was also processing the fact that my body created adhesions that had my organs stuck together like glue and I was unable to stop this from happening.
I felt like such a stranger in my body.
I didn’t feel like myself.
While I thought surgery would finally be the end of pain and suffering, it actually was the start of a deeply emotional journey of healing for me.
Why Pain After Surgery Can Feel So Scary
After surgery, pain may not feel like just pain anymore.
It can immediately become a question.
Why does that hurt?
Is something wrong?
Is the endometriosis coming back?
Did my surgery not work?
Am I going to end up right back where I started?
You may start paying attention to every little sensation.
Checking.
Analyzing.
Waiting.
Wondering what every symptom means.
I found myself panicking every time I felt a pain or sensation in my body.
My thoughts would immediately spiral out of control and end up in worse case scenarios.
Rather than feeling safe and calm in my body, I felt afraid and panicked.
As weeks and then months passed, I began to realize that some of the symptoms and pain I was feeling in my body might not be going away and that surgery hadn’t provided complete healing and pain relief for me.
This was devastating to me and has been one of the hardest things to process since my surgery.
My emotions were all over the place.
I also have PMDD (premenstrual dysphoric disorder) and my mental and emotional health was suffering.
I Had to Learn to Trust My Body Again
This has been one of the biggest pieces of my own recovery.
Trust.
When your body has been a source of pain for a long time, you can start organizing your life around preventing it.
You may question making plans.
Worry about exercising.
Become afraid of triggering a flare.
Pay attention to every sensation.
And even after surgery, those patterns don’t necessarily disappear overnight.
For me, it’s taken time, lots of therapy and learning to look at any pain I feel in my body with curiosity instead of fear.
This is not ignoring symptoms.
This is listening to what your body is communicating without being terrified of any sensations or symptoms.
Changing my relationship with pain and how I view pain has really helped me on my healing journey.
It is also a big part of my Pelvic Pain Recovery Program because it’s very difficult for your body to heal if you’re constantly in a state of high alert or living in fear of your body.
Recovery Became About More Than My Symptoms
At some point, I started thinking about something bigger.
What do I actually want my life to look like now?
Not just:
How do I get rid of every symptom?
But:
What have I stopped doing because of pain?
What do I miss?
What makes me feel like me?
What do I want more of in my life?
Who do I want to be?
→I think sometimes we wait until we feel completely better before giving ourselves permission to start living again.
I’m learning that the two can happen together.
✔️You can still be healing and start dreaming again.
✔️You can have a difficult day without deciding you’ve lost all your progress.
✔️You can experience a flare without assuming you’re right back at the beginning.
✔️You can support your body without making your whole life revolve around it.
And maybe feeling like yourself again doesn’t mean becoming exactly who you were before all of this.
→Maybe it means becoming someone who trusts herself again.
→Someone who makes plans.
→Moves her body.
→Laughs.
→Dreams.
→And has space in her brain for things that have absolutely nothing to do with endometriosis.
Endometriosis may be part of your story. It doesn’t have to become your entire identity.
If You Don’t Feel Like Yourself After Endometriosis Surgery
If you’re months after surgery wondering why you don’t feel the way you thought you would by now, REMEMBER that recovery can be more layered than a physical healing timeline.
Your body has been through a lot.
And so have you!
Ongoing or concerning symptoms should always be discussed with your healthcare provider.
But depending on what you’re experiencing, recovery may also involve things like nutrition, pelvic health support, lifestyle changes, emotional support and learning a different relationship with pain.
This is a big part of why I do the work I do today.
I’ve lived the physical side of pelvic pain.
I’ve also lived the fear, frustration, depression and emotional exhaustion that can come with it.
And I believe recovery deserves to support the whole person.
Common Questions About Endometriosis Surgery Recovery
Why am I so emotional after endometriosis surgery?
Surgery can carry a significant physical and emotional load, especially if it comes after years of pain, uncertainty or searching for answers. Recovery can bring up relief, grief, fear, frustration and many other emotions.
Why am I anxious every time I feel pain after surgery?
When pain has affected your life for a long time, feeling it again can quickly bring up fears about what it means or what may happen next. New or concerning symptoms should still be medically assessed, but part of recovery may also involve learning how to respond to symptoms without immediately assuming the worst.
Does pain after endometriosis surgery mean my surgery didn’t work?
Not necessarily. Persistent pelvic pain can have multiple possible contributors. I’ve written more about why you may still experience pain after endometriosis surgery in another article. You can read it here.
How do I start trusting my body again?
There is no single perfect roadmap. Appropriate medical care, nutrition, movement when medically appropriate, pelvic health support and learning a different relationship with pain can all be parts of the bigger picture. This is something I help clients with in my Pelvic Pain Recovery Program.
Your Life Can Become Bigger Than Pain Again
If you had endometriosis surgery hoping you’d finally feel like yourself again, but pain, fear or uncertainty are still taking up more of your life than you want them to, you don’t have to figure out what comes next alone.
My Pelvic Pain Recovery Program brings together nutrition, lifestyle and pain recovery support for women after endometriosis surgery who are ready to reduce the impact pain has on their lives, rebuild trust in their bodies and start feeling like themselves again.
Because recovery isn’t just about getting through the day.
It’s about getting back to living your life.
→ Learn More About the Pelvic Pain Recovery Program
About Orisha
Orisha Boychuk is a Natural Nutrition Clinical Practitioner (NNCP) and Pain Recovery Coach who supports women with endometriosis and chronic pelvic pain through nutrition, lifestyle and pain recovery support.
Having lived with chronic pelvic pain and gone through excision surgery herself, she brings both professional training and lived experience to her work with women who are trying to feel more confident in their bodies and get back to living their lives.
A Note About This Blog
This blog is for educational purposes only and is not intended to replace medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always speak with your physician or another qualified healthcare provider about your individual symptoms, recovery or medical concerns.
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